Exclusive Interview with TV's Cricket O'Neil! With your blog host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!

Ahoy there, Johnny Octocorns!  It's your blog host reporting to you once again from my second-hand yacht, "The Previously Loved". The latest mystery that happened aboard has been that I bought a box of Triskets yesterday and now they have all disappeared.  I solved the mystery was when I realized I was sleep eating again.  Then found the dead body of the twin brother of the mayor in the bathroom.

Today, an exclusive interview with, former "Days of Our Lives" star and host of Tri-Chester County's talk show, "Cricket", Cricket O'Neil!  Please enjoy this transcript of my show, "The Captain and Ten Neils" where me and ten men named Neil talk about issues that appeal to men.

Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.: Thank you, Neil.  And now tonight's guest, Cricket O'Neil!  Welcome to the show!
Cricket O'Neil: Thank you for having me!
PJ: You were on the intermittently popular soap opera, "Days of Our Lives".
CO: Yes, I played Jennifer Horton, #2 when Melissa Reeves was out with food poisoning for a month in 1990.
PJ: How was that month on a soap opera?
CO: I was only there for two days.
PJ: And why only two days?
CO: Because I forgot the words.
PJ: To the scene?
CO: Yes.
PJ: I believe we have the clip - Neil?

[Episode dated March 12, 1990, Days of Our Lives]
JACK: What did you do to Jennifer?
LAWRENCE: I have done nothing to Jennifer.
JACK: Jennifer, please, speak up!  If he has done anything to harm you, just speak up!
JENNIFER: ....naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...booooooooo.....
LAWRENCE: Can I leave now? If you're not going to accuse me of rape -
JACK: How do you know if she was going to accuse you of rape?
LAWRENCE: Because if I had done so, I am sure she would have spoken up by now.
JACK: Jennifer!  Did Lawrence rape you?
JENNIFER: ....nnnnnnnn...
LAWRENCE: See, Jennifer did not declare me a rapist and that she will be sure that the child she is carrying will be raised away from my evil.
JACK: If she won't, I will!  Just as soon as she tells me such.
JENNIFER: ....oooooooo...

[END Days of Our Lives]

PJ: Riveting.
CO: Thank you.
PJ: Hey, thinking of it, having Cricket O'Neil here on the show makes it more like "The Captain and Eleven Neils"!
CO: ....nnnnannnnannnnannnnnnannnnnannnnaaa....
PJ: Be sure to catch the next episode of "Cricket!"  Today's show, the rise of diabetes in monsters! Back to you, Neil.

[End The Captain and Ten Neils]

Did I come off as too startstruck? No matter, that's all the time I have - there's been a puddingnapping!  Looks like I have another crime to solve.

Hollywood: Buy my car for 1 Million Dollars

Leave comment if interested.

Text:  My Subaru Outback (1998, green) is not running and I have a lot of debt. That means Hollywood should buy my car for a million dollars. 

I'm not expecting average people to buy my car for a million dollars - you've got your own crap to deal with. I'm talking to people who make the movies, the kind of movies where robots talk and murder things and some hot chick never shows her tits. You obviously have an endless supply of millions of dollars and I would like you to buy my car.

Here's some other special features about the car:

* Windshield is pre-cracked for convenience
* Safety feature: left mirror still intact!
* home-engineered electric socket from your battery to your lighter
* DIY bumper

This car is piece of shit and I can't retire it. There were multiple sequels to "Free Willy". Hollywood, buy my car for one million dollars.

Octocountdown - #1! With the return of your blog host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THE OCTOCORN NETWORK!

Hard to believe that it's only been a year since The Octocorn Network came into our lives!  Harder to believe than that is that we are at number one on our countdown!

I'd like to thank Rexual Saurington, aka, "Sexy Rexy" for filling in for me on our #2 slot.  It turns out, the mayor was not dead, he was just locked in the bathroom and we assumed the worst...until he actually died of a gunshot wound on my second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved".

So let's not waste a moment to get to The Octocorn Network's number one video - the video that began it all - "Digestion Town"!

That girl has potential to be an international model!

That's all for our Octocountdown - until next time or next crime, O'Stubbtoe out!

Octocountdown - #2! With extra-special guest blog host, Sexy Rexy!

Hullo, Johnny Octocorns!  You may notice that I am not your usual host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I. who happens to be close to finding out who the dickens murdered our mayor aboard O'Stubbtoe's second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved".

I am Rexual Saurington, best known to all those in Tri-Chester County as, "Sexy Rexy", the town's only homosexual who is also a dinosaur.  I am also known for my past days as a nude model in Latvia and for running Tri-Chester County's classiest cocktail bar, "High Spirits".  As of now, I am also known for special guest commentary for The Octocorn Network.

When you last left O'Stubbtoe, number two on the Octocountdown was just right around the corner and lo and behold, it is here!  The anticipation is nothing more than sunning bare buttocks in Nice while waiting for your young lover, a Spainard named Raul, to drizzle cocoa butter onto your parched and tender regions.

And now I present to you, Johnny Octocorns, number two on your Octocountdown, "Good Company", animated by Melissa Piekaar!  

Just smashing!

Until we meet again for cheese, whine, and karaoke,

Rexual "Sexy Rexy" Saurington

Octocountdown - #3! And a world premiere video! With your blog host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe!

Ahoy, Johnny Octocorns!  Exciting times at #3!  I'm Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I. and this is the Octocountdown!

Coming in at number three is a video that speaks to the question, "Have you ever noticed that there's no place both cheap, classy and convenient to drink booze in the morning?"  Now there is with "Mornin' Booze!"

One of Tri-Chester County's more notorious citizens, Neil Jeff Gordon has had a string of business ventures, but it seems like Mornin' Booze is sticking.  Neil Jeff and I had a conversation just the other morning while I was getting some Irish Coffee to go.  Now that the mayor of Tri-Chester County is dead (which, yes, it did happen on my second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved" and I am hot on the case!), Neil Jeff has expressed an interest in running for mayor in the 2012 election.  Good luck to you, Neil Jeff!

 
Also - this just in!  The Octocorn Network just released their 21st video!  Let's watch this world premiere  video!

Wow!  That's exactly how I feel after eating fast food AND watching pornography!

We have one more part to the countdown before The Octocorn Network celebrates its FIRST anniversary!  Stay tuned!

Octocountdown - #4! With your host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!

Ahoy, Johnny Octocorns!  Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I. back again for our countdown weekend!  Only one more day until The Octocorn Network celebrates it's first anniversary and we have four videos to countdown!

For number four on our countdown, your captain received the following letter.  It says:

Dear Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.,


Sometimes, I feel lonely. People don't approach me so much because they feel that I am too different.  I feel that people have lost touch with what is important.  It isn't appearance or stature in society that should make a person worthy of getting to know.  It should be the quality of their character.  This is why I am voting for Sexy Income Tax and Thrift Store Treasures for the Octocountdown.  They seem like lonely folk and I would be their best friends.


Thank you, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!
--Baymond M., Tri-Chester County, CA


Well, Baymond M. from right here in Tri-Chester County, coming in at number four is both of your requests!

We'll return to the Octocountdown shortly.  Please stay tuned as number one is coming right up!  But first, this celebrity endorsement:

I may or may not be Huey Lewis of Huey Lewis and the News, but I know one thing - The Octocorn Network is Hot Shit!  Now play some Huey!

You got it, celebrity endorsement!  Hit it!

Octocountdown - #5! With your guest blog host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.

Ahoy, Johnny Octocorns!  Thought I'd forgot?  If there's one thing Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I. of the second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved" does not do, it's...uh...oh, wait, having it...having it...have it! A COUNTDOWN!

Coming in at number five, it's "Octocorn Networking" with special guest stars, Jill Bartlett and Michael Datz!

Wow! Being in the presence of beautiful people sure do make Rob and Neva sweaty!

Stay tuned for a special extended section of our countdown tomorrow as the Octocorn Network's FIRST anniversary happens this weekend!

OctoCountdown - #6! With your blog host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!

Ahoy, Johnny Octocorns!  Glad to see you came back to the countdown with me, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!

Coming in at #6 on our countdown is a real tribute to old school comedy with a real surpiese!  "Award Me"!  

OctoTrivia Time!  In "Award Me", Rob McLendon's brother, James, pulls out a pie and smashes it into Rob's face.  The cream from the pie got on the velvet curtains and Rob was to pay for new curtains.  Not satisfied to be parted with money with nothing to show, he demanded he received the "ruined" curtains and sold them to a school who was grateful to have them. That story is almost an exact parallel with how I got my second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved" and how I solved the Case of the Missing Pie.  Pie case closed!

The OctoCountdown Begins! With your blog host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!

Ahoy, there!  Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I. here!  Sitting back enjoying a microbrew beer and contemplating the Case of the Missing Ahi Tuna Steak that just happened on my second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved".  The Octocorn Network has asked me to provide a special countdown of their top seven videos which will lead up to a very special one year anniversary post hosted by, who else, me!  Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.!

Our countdown begins with the seventh most beloved video from The Octocorn Network*, "Exciting Winter/Spring Preview".  In this video geared to jazz everyone up for future content for The Octocorn Network, Rob and Neva explore their past successes, future glories, and the dark side of not being popular.  Guest stars included Patton Oswalt, Danny DeVito, Steven Weber from "Wings" and two (2!) Dave Chappelles!  Also, a shout out to one of Rob's alma mater, Cal-Poly SLO!

Roll it!

*"Beloved" meaning "Well, beloved by us."

Hiking L.A.! with your host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.

Ahoy, Johnny Octocorns!

We have a new video from The Octocorn Network today!  It has great scientific information and a fat Armenian freaking out.

Got to go.  I was having an old friend over for a drink and it appears that his wallet was stolen on my second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved".  Looks like I have another crime to solve.

Sincerely,

Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.

Introductory Post with your host, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.

Ahoy, Johnny Octocorns!  This is your captain speaking.  Specifically, Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.  When I'm not out on my second-hand yacht, the "Previously Loved", hosting the most popular love song and dedication radio show on Tri-Chester County's only radio station, KTRI, and solving crimes that just happen to occur on my second-hand yacht, I'm talking about The Octocorn Network!

When I come home and there isn't a dead body to be found on the "Previously Loved", I sit back, crack open a beer, and blog about a YouTube content channel called The Octocorn Network.  Sometimes to spice things up, I put an orange slice in that beer.  Mmm.  Almost as good as The Octocorn Network. I work in radio and do lot of on air ad spots, that's why I know it's important to repeat the name "The Octocorn Network" as often as I The Octocorn Network.

So remember, Johnny Octocorns - only The Octocorn Network can The Octocorn Network - to all other The Octocorn Network, well, they can The Octocorn Network in The Octocorn Network!

Sincerely,
Captain P.J. O'Stubbtoe, P.I.